Warning: This article includes references to suicide and suicidal thoughts that may be upsetting to some readers. If you or one of your loved ones are experiencing a mental health emergency or crisis, the following resources are available to support you.
- Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
- NAMI HelpLine 1-800-950-6264 or info@nami.org Mon-Fri 10am-6pm EST
- Crisis SMS Service: Text “NAMI” to 741-741
By Liz Orvis, MEd
“She was just desperate for attention.”
This is one of the most hurtful and uneducated statements that someone can make about a person with a mental illness, yet it is heard so often. People really think that I WANT to live this way. That I talk about mental health because I want praise or sympathy.
The thing is, for me at least, it is absolutely the opposite. The times that I am the most depressed I don’t want attention at all. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I can’t think about how my mom, or my best friend, or my niece and nephews would feel if I was gone. I can’t remember all of my accomplishments or all of the exciting things that are coming up in my life. I can’t worry about anything like that at all. All I can think about is getting out of pain.
I think that one of the reasons that people think we just want attention is that there are many suicide attempts that are not able to be stopped. It’s devastating– but that also doesn’t mean that those who survived were simply “seeking attention.” What if instead of being critiqued for seeking attention, people received attention for making the choice to keep going despite all the challenges they are facing? Taking care of themselves? What if it is amazing that something stopped the person from hurting themselves? What if there was some spark of wanting to live inside and they listened to it instead of the chatter in their head telling them they are worthless?
Mental illness is just that…an illness. It is not for attention.
Even if it was, why would you put people down? Why would you ignore the signals for help? If someone is so desperate for help that they reached out in some way, why wouldn’t you reach out your hand and say, “I’ll walk this path with you, you are not alone”? Why would you hurt them more?
All of this is to say, watch what you are saying. To anybody. Make sure you know what you are talking about and realize that your words have the power to hurt just as much as they must help. Wouldn’t you want to be the person lifting someone up when they are at their very lowest instead of pushing them when they are already at a low? I know I would. Something to think about.
Liz Orvis is an author, advocate and amazing aunt. Her main goal in life is to decrease the disparity within the field of mental health, but to support others like her in the meantime. She is a former special education teacher and Board Certified Behavior Analyst, and now she’s taking on the world! See her memoir “It’s a Hard Knock Life”, coming out soon!